Bella Luna..

“Mystery the moon
A hole in the sky
A supernatural nightlight
So full but often right”

Drew this on Patrick the iPad yesterday.. Inspired by a beautiful song by Jason Mraz, Bella Luna. Not one of my favourite songs of his, but wonderful nonetheless. Oh his voice gets me every time..

“Bella luna, my beautiful, beautiful moon
How you swoon me like no other..”

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“You are an illuminating anchor
Of leagues to infinite number
Crashing waves and breaking thunder
Tiding the ebb and flows of hunger
You’re dancing naked there for me
You expose all memory
You make the most of boundary
You’re the ghost of royalty imposing love
You are the queen and king combining everything”

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Friction between the sheets..

Mature audience required for this post.

Call me sick-minded, nit-picking, or just plain observant, but I’ve noticed a bit of a lyrical topic trend for our young male singers out there..

Ejaculation issues.

Firstly, we have the obvious; Jon Lajoie with his blunt song entitled “I Come Too Fast”. But then he’s the guy who brought us “Show Me Your Genitals”. I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t shy away from explicitly blunt songs. But it’s all in a sarcastic, comedic manner, so we can just about excuse him. (Hopefully you can just about excuse this post too, for the same reasons.)

More surprisingly however, is the lads who we least expect being a disappointment in the fornication department. “Clockwatching” is an upbeat acoustic feel-good song by Jason Mraz (who just happens to be my lyrical hero and soul-soother), and it seems like an innocent enough song at first. But listening to the lyrics more closely, we realise he’s revealing some rather intimate home-truths.. “I’m off like an airplane, I’m licking your postage stamp again. I’m using my right brain and I’m praying that we don’t crash.. Who knew I’d come so fast? Well so what if a two-pump chump can’t last?”

Sorry.. what??!

And then, even worse perhaps, we hear the likes of Ed Sheeran, our most-loved musical ginger genius, describing his stamina problems in the trouser department. “I came fast, with the way I act, right, I can’t last if I’m smoking on a crack pipe.”

True as this may be – it doesn’t take a genius to know that long-term coke addicts can experience some pretty bad sexual dysfunction (so don’t try drugs at home, kids..) – but is it really necessary for him to explain this to us? I think not Mr. Sheeran!

I can perhaps.. possibly.. maybe understand the young male artists of today doing the complete opposite, and boasting about their multitude of notches on the bedpost, and their outstanding endurance achievements. Interestingly enough and contrary to Ed Sheeran, who unfortunately struggles with his performance when under the influence, it seems Drake likes to think it improves his stamina. “Good weed, white wine, I come alive in the nighttime”. Most likely it was during the daytime that he wrote the song.

But even Pitbull, yummy yummy Pitbull (possibly the most vile-looking artist of today), even Pitbull “makes love” to us “endlessly”. Aren’t we lucky. Excuse me while I vom.

The reason why I can possibly understand and perhaps even sympathise with these men, is because these poor guys have very small members. Very small. And they need to compensate for their very small members. They do this by writing an explicitly sexual song in which they play the lead role, such as Jeremiah who describes how he is “grinding with passion.. been at it for hours” . Later, he modestly informs the lucky girl, “I’m more than able to please you”. It’s highly unlikely that after hours of endless passion you would need to inform your partner that you were able to please them. They probably should have picked up on that bit themselves. So, we can draw the conclusion that either:

a) He’s dating a big-boobed-blonde-haired bimbo who is somehow unable to realise when she’s had a ‘big O’ and needs to be told (no offence intended to the few who fit that description)..

OR

b) He’s so desperate to hide from his very small member and the fact that he cannot please a woman, that he creates a song for the nation filled with a bunch of lies about his non-existent sexual abilities.

These guys are what I describe as Egos. They don’t have a life, a body, a job, a girlfriend, a passion, or a talent. They only have an Ego. (Just remember girls, the club cant handle Flo Rida.)

So.. Let’s think about this.. If these Egos need to boast about their super-human bonking abilities simply because they don’t have any.. Does that mean our guys Ed and Jason actually have these abilities, and therefore are required to modestly ‘pretend’ they don’t??

I certainly hope so.

But perhaps I’m looking too far into this. Perhaps Ed was innocently talking about ‘coming quickly’ into the music industry, and how you simply ‘cannot last for long’ in said music industry if you take drugs. And perhaps Jason really is licking the back of the queen’s head, in a totally non-sexual way, before sending a love-letter to his fully satisfied woman. And this ‘two-pump chump’ that he talks about is simply a foolish guy he knows, working in a bar, who has two beer pumps that don’t last very long. Okay, we’re stretching it a bit far now.

But come on. These are young guys. Probably still young enough to chuckle anytime the word “come” is mentioned, still young enough to shout “YA MUM” at (in)appropriate intervals. They know exactly what they’re saying.

Lads. Thank you for your music. We love hearing your lovely voices.
We don’t, however, want to hear about your sexual stamina (or lack of it), your ability (or disability) to please a woman, or how drugs affect your performance.

Thank you.

Cats have no appreciation for good music.

“You close your eyes, you say goodnight in your own special way. You rest your head and you rest your mind..”

‘Little You and I’, is a song Jason Mraz wrote for his cat.. At the beginning of the track on one of his live albums, he talks about how he used to sit on his bed with his cat and ‘play the musaak’, but if it got too loud kitty would jump down and walk off. So he decided to write this calm, acoustic track to sooth her back to sleep. Aww.

But regarding the musical intolerance, it seems rather typical with cats. Casper can sleep on my bed for hours on end, but as soon as I switch on the radio, or the iPod, or play a single note on the flute, he gets up and walks off.

Perhaps this is just typical feline rudeness. Perhaps their ears aren’t tuned to the correct frequency. Or maybe they just don’t like music. Either way, it seems a pity that our furry friends cannot appreciate beautiful melodies and soothing vocals. They could gain a lot.

Having said this, Casper does seem to like Jason, or he is at least mildly tolerant of his music.. He’ll often stay for a track or two, before finding somewhere else to sleep; somewhere quieter, more convenient, and better suited to his needs.

He’s an adorable bundle of fluff though.

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At the top of La Tour I-Fell..

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Taken at the top of the Eiffel Tower!

Contrary to the title, I made it to the top but I did not, in fact, fall. (Although apparently it is actually a bit of a hotspot for the suicidal – 400 ‘jumpers’ to date..) Anyway, the title was my attempt at phonetic amusement. Instead I’m talking about suicides. Hm. Moving swiftly onwards..

I went on a beautiful trip to Paris avec ma mère, just the two of us, back in March 2011. It was the end of our first day, around 10.30pm, and she didn’t fancy climbing to the top, so I said I’d meet her in the nearest coffee shop.

Alone at the very top, I remember looking out at the gorgeous Parisian view spread before me, and thinking how beautiful my life was. At that time, everything was perfect. Life was being obedient and going exactly as I had planned it to.

I’m ever thankful that Life decided to rebel later that year, and refused to conform to its preconceived and precisely planned route I had made for it. I used to be so scared of not being in control of my life, that I had mapped out my future completely. I knew how everything was going to work out, and that made me feel secure.

Needless to say it didn’t work out like that. Things changed, and I lost my firm grip of the steering wheel I had so expertly designed. I’m not going to go off on one and talk about all of that, but the guy (yep, believe it or not there was a guy involved in this, quelle surprise) told me that it would be short term pain that would give me long term happiness. I thought he was bullsh****** me, and I wouldn’t hear it at the time. But by god was he right. To think of that old path now fills me with remorse. Remorse that I didn’t leave it it sooner. I guess there was one thing he was good for after all.

Back to the Eiffel Tower though..

Afterwards, just as I reached the bottom, I saw mum waiting for me. She’d stayed there the whole time, and as I reached her, I turned to look back at “La Dame de Fer”. She was sparkling at me. (Yep, I mean literally.. Every hour on the hour, the 20000 flashbulbs on the eiffel tower light up and it ‘sparkles’ for 10 minutes.)

Gustave Eiffel is said to have told the first tourists “I ought to be jealous of the tower. She’s more famous than I am.” And seeing as most people know little or nothing about the designer, I guess he’s right. But he left his (land)mark on the world, and he deserves a bit of credit now and then. Thanks, Gustave.

As for me, I recently gave up trying to meticulously plan my life. Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. Fearing the unknown is just part of life, I have to move through that fear and loosen the grip on the wheel a bit.

My life’s mantra: Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way. And everything, everything will be fine.

“Live high, live mighty.

Live righteously, taking it easy.”
That’s me. On top of the world!

Nature is divine, I need to visit it more this year..

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